Since the day I received my acceptance letter, things have been a blur. I’ve had three more interviews since then, and have made a short trip to the US/Canada border. Not to mention getting sick, which resulted in a 2am run to the Emergency Department and a day off work at home in bed alternating between reading a new book and sleeping the day away.
I have been putting together my lists. Yep, me & my lists. It must be my coping mechanism. Things to do before class begins; things to discard before the move; people to see; books to read; info to remember farther down the line.
I’ve read consumer reviews on stethoscopes. I’ve scoured hospital web sites to see what Boards scores I need to potentially land a residency there. I’ve compiled several lists of crock pot meals that just might ensure that David and I don’t starve for the four years I’ll be in school.
Getting ahead of myself? Maybe. Probably. But I am nothing if not a planner and an information junkie. I’ve always believed in being prepared, if not over-prepared.
There is, however, one thing more important to me than all of the rest when it comes to preparing to enter medical school: making sure David knows how much I love him. My family understands that I have worked for over a decade to finally be in this position; as our third anniversary approaches, I wonder if he regrets what he got himself into! It is my hope to use these several months before school starts to make sure he knows he is loved before we enter this beast known as medical school. That is the priority.
I absolutely could not do this without him. I know without a doubt that this is why the previous attempts were unsuccessful. While it sounds so phony and cliche’, I know I fully became my true self when I welcomed him into my life. This is why I did not hesitate to change my name once we were married. Much like in the Bible, where a significant life experience changed the essence of the person and was followed by a name change: Sarai to Sarah, Abram to Abraham, among others.
I know that this new journey will change me in ways I cannot even begin to fathom right now. How could it not? Just thinking of my first real rite of passage is already giving me nightmares: dissecting a cadaver. I am excited for the opportunity to learn in a way that is reserved for only those entrusted with the task, but the thought of cutting a person with an inexperienced hand makes me nervous and I know it will undoubtedly change me.
I know all of this will be hard on David too. I’m afraid he will be lonely, or feel neglected. I’m afraid he’ll think he lost the girl he married, who loves him more than she can even put into words or actions.
On that note, the Yellowstone trip planning has been going well. We’ve been breaking in our hiking boots and marking trails we want to hike. I am looking forward to this trip so anxiously! I can think of nothing more enjoyable than 2 weeks in God’s own creation with just my husband before life becomes unrecognizable from what it is now, quite possibly our last trip together away before another name change, this time to the title of “Doctor.” Quality time together, making memories together, is my goal for the next 9 months.
This still does not feel real. I’ve read the acceptance letter over and over, checking to make sure the words do not rearrange themselves, indicating the school made a mistake. After all of this time, it is finally real. I am still in disbelief. There has been such a huge weight lifted from me. It is beyond wonderful to finally have the chance to start the life I’ve wanted for so long. No more waiting. No more self doubt. No more guilt of putting David through (this part of) this awful process. (Although I’m sure there will be lots of guilt-ridden days to come….)
Here is where I know David will be my anchor. I know he will not let me stray from him or Him during this marathon that is more like a gauntlet. That is why I chose him as my husband.
For the most part, it has been a time of happiness. There has been one disappointment. Some people are dead set on stifling others’ happiness and injecting their own wants and wishes into our lives. As long as David is okay with the schools that have offered me an acceptance, I don’t much care about the mutterings from elsewhere. Some people have absolutely no clue what it has taken for me to get to this point, going through this process repeatedly, and there is just no sense in wasting time trying to explain something they will never understand.
But for now, we will focus on the positives. There are plenty of other things to think of, and much happiness to celebrate. For instance, loving on my amazing husband! 😉
Romans 8:28: And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.