Awesome Things Philosophers Say

In honor of my alma mater winning the NCAA National Championship (L1C4!), I thought I’d share some of my absolute favorite quotes from my graduate school days at the University of Louisville out of my Book of Quotes. My master’s degree is in Bioethics and Medical Humanities, which involves a lot of medicine, law, social inequality, philosophy, anthropology… and requires a healthy sense of humor. (Ok, so I should probably title this post as “Awesome Things Students of Philosophy Say,” but I digress.) *Names have been tinkered with in order to obscure identity.

“The trickiest part about the Libertarian position is understanding how anyone but a complete jerk could hold it.” – Dr. H

“Patients can be depressed, they can be psychotic, they can be politicians…” -Dr. D

Dr. H (to himself re: his laptop): Why is this not working?
M, whispering to S: Because it’s a Mac.
Dr. H: Secrets make baby Jesus cry!
S: I don’t care. I’m Jewish.

“In Texas, you get killed if you don’t want to be killed and you don’t get killed if you do want to get killed.” – Dr. K

“For those of you who are thinking bad thoughts about my home state of Texas, where they execute people as fast as they can roll them out…. yeah, well, that’s Texas!”
– Dr. W

Ethical Theory was the bane of our existence:
Dr. K: Have you ever noticed how children with Down syndrome seem to be exceptionally kind and happy individuals. Do you ever wonder why that is?

Dr. K: Have I said anything this semester that has convinced any of you of anything?
H: A better question is ‘Have you said anything this semester that makes sense?’ If you had, it might have convinced us.

M’s dream: Proof Ethical Theory is bad for mental health: Dreamed I murdered H to get out of writing K’s paper (…I have no idea, really…). Feeling guilty, I wrote a letter of apology to A (seriously?). T refused to defend me in court because ‘in killing the wrong one, my methods failed to promote overall utility’ and S could not stop laughing.” This is what grad school/philosophy does to people!

B: As a practicing physician, the patients that I like are good and dead.
T: Welcome to Bioethics.

And one of mine that a friend/classmate thought was funny:
Dr. H: I have about a thousand ties and this is the first time they’ve seen me in one.
Me: He has a thousand ties and he still chose that one?

“Penises are evil.” ~Front Row Center. First day of History of American Sexuality was opened with this little gem. She quickly earned the nickname “Front Row Center.” There are others from her that are too vulgar for this post!

Dr. H: Buy a kidney, shalack it, and hang it on your rear-view mirror.

Dr. H: “F’ed-up-edness” Re: Society in general

“If you’re thinking about saying “I Do”, … you might as well say hello to Hell! ~T

“It’s amazing how many things you have to think about when you’re a philosopher, so you have to say a sentence like that. You can’t ever just say a sentence like a normal person. Uh, umm, uh…. just go ahead and give me an F now.” ~ T

“M just spent a good 10 minutes laughing over “Get Crunk or get Euthanized Trying.” Also, “friends, dates, and animals are also invited, just not professors or children : )” (…you mean those last 2 aren’t the same thing?!)

“I’m creating a new kind of torture.” ~FC. Yes, you are!

“You are not doing pushing-ups for fun.” ~FC

“What are hoho’s? Santa candies?” ~F (Who is from Argentina)

“Forget CPR, just hit me with a stick!” ~B

“I want to write a book called: Caring: I Have Forgotten How.” ~M

One more, just because it makes me smile:
I’ve seen babies born and I’ve watched people die. Weddings are by far my favorite life event to watch. ~D

Philosophy can be a very, very dry subject matter; but with these people as professors and classmates, it was actually kind of fun! Good times, good times! …the thing I miss most about graduate school? Without a doubt, my classmates and professors, who have gone on to do amazing, wonderful things. I hope these brought a smile to your face or even a chuckle; Lord knows I could use one this week!


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