I need to quit saying that the week was killer, because the following week is always worse….

But, it’s over. Over, over, over. Thank you, God.

I really didn’t mind that my boss volunteered me for more work in another lab. It’s nice knowing that both PIs think I do quality work. But when T came to me with 18 fresh samples on the week we had scheduled 40 surgeries, I was not the happiest of campers.

It took me four hours just to homogenize the damn things. And that is only step 1. My boss walked in during the middle of my procedure, saw the obscene amount of tubes I had labeled (and probably noticed the displeased look on my face), and asked, “So… How many samples….?” When I said 18, all he could say was, “Oh. He didn’t tell me that. That’s ridiculous!”

It was a lot of work. I was frazzled. But, it got done, on time, with finesse.

And, all 40 surgeries, my most in one week to date, all went well.

That was in July, and that is what I miss now, two months into med school. I miss feeling like I can knock out anything with ease and have hard-and-fast evidence that I can rock a lab. I miss being in charge. I miss being able to learn real-world stuff that I can use immediately–and it’s not simply book-learnin’. I really, really miss a regular paycheck. I definitely miss my coworkers.

I checked our class calendar the other day to see what the spring semester looked like when it hit me that this is how it is now. It’s not going to get easier. It’s like being under a waterfall every day, it just keeps coming. And after the this year comes a harder second year. And then Boards. And then third year on the wards, being pimped in a different way. And then fourth year rotations and interviews and the submission of a rank list that will determine where I get my first job. And then intern year. And then more years of residency. And then maybe a fellowship–another 3 years. Maybe eventually I’ll be an attending.

It just keeps coming.

So today I found myself thinking how easy it would be to go back to the old job. I would still fit right in, I could still be that productive, I haven’t forgotten how to do everything in the lab yet. But I’d be giving up all of these new and exciting opportunities that come with having the basic tagline medical student. And I don’t think anyone could pry me away from medicine now.

In my “free time” (AKA when I am home and studying), I’ve had on marathons of Grey’s Anatomy. As much as I have enjoyed this show since high school, I love it even more now. Now, I understand things like “blue tet”, teratomas, esophageal varices, congenital diaphragmatic hernia, ascites from cirrhosis… the list goes on. And I LOVE it, being able to know not only what they mean but where they come from and why and how to fix them. I can only imagine how much more there is to learn and how much more I will understand once I learn it.

There is no going back now.


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