Recurrent Failures

In happy news that I’ve been waiting to share, my interview with Aspiring Docs (a section of the American Academy of Medical Colleges, the AAMC) for their Inspiring Stories segment went live on Monday. It’s got me thinking more about recurrent failures.images

My story is a complicated one. It took me a lot of time, heartbreak, and growth to get where I am. Things have not been perfect. During my final application cycle, I only told a handful of people that I was even applying to medical school, because I wanted to avoid hearing exasperations of “again?!”. I was afraid of failing once more, and if that were to be the case, I wanted to be able to do it privately. It’s still not a story that I like admitting to. Every time my blog dashboard tells me that someone has read “My Premed Story”, I get nervous… because now someone else knows about my failures, about the three previous times that my dreams were killed point-blank. It’s embarrassing. I’m a second year medical student, and it’s still embarrassing. I’m still afraid that people will think less of me because it took so long to obtain my dream. It leaves me vulnerable to admit that I failed, not just once, or twice, but three times. I’m sure there are those out there that would have told me to give up, that it just wasn’t meant to be. Most of the time, that’s how I felt… that persisting and still failing made me seem pathetic.

Despite all of that, I have left “My Premed Story” available for anyone to read, and I agreed to interviews with Aspiring Docs and Accepted.com because to me it serves a purpose. Maybe there is someone else who is now how I was then… and just maybe they’ll be filled with hope. I didn’t even think about the possibility that Aspiring Docs would advertise my piece on their Facebook page, until a friend tagged me in the comments. Several people had commented on my interview that the story was incredible, or that they were encouraged. Lately, I’ve met with some people in the same position– an unsuccessful application cycle– and have been able to give advice or recommendations that helped me. 

Maybe this story really is worth sharing.

After my first application, someone in an admissions office told me I would never be accepted there. And yet here I sit in that institution’s library, surrounded by my path, pharm, immuno, and First Aid books. This has been one adventure that I will never regret.

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